Joke thread

If you have a life outside of BWFC, then this is the place to tell us all about your toilet habits, and those bizarre fetishes.......

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Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:10 pm

Montreal Wanderer wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pm
LeverEnd wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:55 am
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"

He said, "That's Madeira cake"

(Source: my mate, the internet 2017)
My source was Bolton Boris a few jokes up....
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by LeverEnd » Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:18 pm

Montreal Wanderer wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pm
LeverEnd wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:55 am
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"

He said, "That's Madeira cake"

(Source: my mate, the internet 2017)
My source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
Oh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
Oh, but surely just for one day, we could fight and we could win
And if only for a little while, we could insist on the impossible...

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:46 pm

They all do the rounds. Except Prufrock's. He composes them
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Re: Joke thread

Post by boltonboris » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:30 pm

LeverEnd wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:18 pm
Montreal Wanderer wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pm
LeverEnd wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:55 am
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"

He said, "That's Madeira cake"

(Source: my mate, the internet 2017)
My source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
Oh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
Twitter:@shitjokes
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:49 pm

boltonboris wrote:
Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:30 pm
LeverEnd wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:18 pm
Montreal Wanderer wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pm
LeverEnd wrote:
Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:55 am
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"

He said, "That's Madeira cake"

(Source: my mate, the internet 2017)
My source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
Oh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
Twitter:@shitjokes
I quite liked it. I've refrained from republishing it though... Don't know how many copyright infringements I'm facing in court still.
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください

LeverEnd
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Re: Joke thread

Post by LeverEnd » Fri Sep 01, 2017 6:26 pm

“Welcome, Count Dracula. Before we start, would you like a small aperitif?”
“No, I think mine are just the right size"
Oh, but surely just for one day, we could fight and we could win
And if only for a little while, we could insist on the impossible...

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Burnden Paddock » Fri Sep 01, 2017 7:08 pm

The receptionist at the sperm clinic asked if I would like to masturbate in the cup. I said "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition!"

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Bruce Rioja » Fri Sep 01, 2017 9:21 pm

My missus told me I had to stop singing 'I'm A Believer' because it was doing her head in. I laughed because I thought she was joking...
...and then I saw her face.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Nicko58 » Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:20 am

I married my best friend yesterday. Massive administrative f*ck up.
'Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.'

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:00 pm

Do you know that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween!
I guess they don't appreciate random strangers knocking on their doors.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Tue Oct 31, 2017 7:01 pm

My mate thinks he's a smart arse. He argued with me that the only food that can make you cry is an onion.
He thought differently when I twatted him with a coconut.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Thu Nov 16, 2017 3:14 pm

[as quoted in the Times, attributed to Alex Magaisa, regarding the overthrow of Mugabe]

"This could be called the end of an error"
:D
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Re: Joke thread

Post by TANGODANCER » Sun Dec 24, 2017 1:36 pm

Bloke reverses down his mother-in-law's drive, hears a squeal and a bump, and jumping out finds he's flattened her poodle.
"Oh shxt, she'll go bananas, what am I going to tell her and the wife?"
Wanders off, head in hands. Flash of light, loud bang and a Genie appears in a cloud of smoke.
" Hello, I've come to tell you you have a wish you've never claimed. Ask me for anything just once, and I'll make it happen!"
Bloke in a panic, and not thinking straight says..
" Bring that dog back to life and save mine...please, please..."
Genie hesitates and shakes his head sadly.
"Can't do that, we don't mess with things like that, but hey, you, can still have that wish. Anything at all!
Bloke looks around and sees his wife arriving.
Okay then, see that woman, she's my wife. Turn her into a combination of Liz Taylor and Sophia Loren and I'll be delighted. That's my wish
The Genie studies the woman carefully for a minute....then...
"Let's go and have another look at that poodle..."
The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke...Darcy. Pride and Prejudice.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by TANGODANCER » Tue Feb 27, 2018 10:10 pm

I just coverred my bathroom wall in poems. Is that versatile?
The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke...Darcy. Pride and Prejudice.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Enoch » Sun Sep 09, 2018 12:16 am

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means, it's not the end of the world.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Enoch » Mon Sep 10, 2018 9:06 am

When my kleptomania gets bad I just take something for it.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Bruce Rioja » Mon Sep 10, 2018 6:50 pm

Mate of mine reckons his dog retrieved a stick from over half a mile away. Sounds a bit far fetched.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Enoch » Sun Oct 07, 2018 11:22 pm

Why is a paddling pool different to a swimming pool?

.

Deepends...

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Enoch » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:42 pm

Thanks a lot to the f*cker that stole my antidepressants.

I hope you're happy now!!

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Re: Joke thread

Post by TANGODANCER » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:40 am

What was the first Scotsman called?............McAdam... :grin:
The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke...Darcy. Pride and Prejudice.

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