Good afternoon from America

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 11:36 pm

Well hippies, tis I.

Just writing to kill some time before my flight back to Blighty. I am in Sanford Airport lounge (get me), it's 1835hrs and i have two hours to kill.

This is the first time i checked the web since a fortnight ago, how the f-ck did we get 2m for Jaidi????? Amazing.

Anyway, hope you are all well, my tan is progressing nicely, and the free beer is being abused.

Til I return kids, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel

xxxxx

cowdrill · Post by **cowdrill** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 11:40 pm

ooh ive never been to america!

is it really full of fat lardy people?

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 11:42 pm

I have come to realise, i think the country is amazing, but the people, especially the whiny little nice people on the rides are absolute f-ckers.

cowdrill · Post by **cowdrill** » Sat Aug 05, 2006 11:49 pm

did u put that on the postcards you sent home?!

runningonbravado · Post by **runningonbravado** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 12:31 am

Are you really Batman?

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · Post by **Soldier_Of_The_White_Army** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 11:20 am

runningonbravado wrote:Are you really Batman?

Don't get him started

ratbert · Post by **ratbert** » Sun Aug 06, 2006 10:55 pm

He's not Batman, he's Mich Caine.

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 10:54 am

cowdrill wrote:ooh ive never been to america!

is it really full of fat lardy people?

Full of ... no. ..... not quite. But there ARE a lot of them.

Now I'm not talking about 'overweight' ... not the "hey, I could do with losing a couple of stone" overweight. ( i couldn't ... being that [person myself) I'm talking about the sort of people who cause eclipses. The sort you are seriously astonished at. The ones who you cannot even imagine what being like that amounts to.

They waddle. They ripple. They cause people-jams. They eat more or less constantly. You never seem to see them without a huge coke, or a turkey drumstick (Turkey, not ... not chicken. That'd never do).

Now what I was stunned ... amazed ... astonished ... infuriated by when we did the Disney thing a few years ago was that these gluttons ... lumps of lard ... obsessors of obesity have taken to doing is to decalre themselves as handicapped !

How so ?

Well Disney ... and all power to them ... permit handicapped children ... AND their families, to access the rides quicker. Some poor downs kid, or cerebal palsey victim in a wheelchair can cut queueing time considerably. Not just for them but their carer. Carer being ONE perosn that's not too bad ... but some have taken this to be the whole extended family.

ALSO Disney provide wheelchairs for those with mobility problems.

The fatties ... often whole families fit this bill ... have taken to pushing each other around in these chairs ... AND thuis jumping queues.

When I was there this happened several times. Unless Disney have braved up ... in in litigation happy America I doubt it ... it'll have just got worse. At one point a grumble grew & grew in the 'normal' queue as this happened 3 or 4 times with one family coming back round for a SECOND ride !!!

Suddenly a Brit cries out ... " hey, you fat bastard. When did being overweight constitute a disability ? Go on a fckg diet !!". As happens, others joined in. The fatties tried to come back at the shouters ... then cleared off, with the fat mother hurling abuse at anyone who could make out. what she was saying ... which wasn't easy as she was stuffing a 4.75 lbs burger in her mouth at the time.

Fantastic.

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 11:05 am

Actually, my favourite, all-time ever episode of The Simpsons is the one where Homer tries to put on eneough weight so as to as to be classed as unfit for work/disabled, but I just had this down as cartoon humour and that such a status could never come about in reality. Jeeeezus!!!

I tell you, the two words that can have me believe absolutely fecking anything are 'In America'.

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 11:37 am

If you want to see hugely fat people go to Hawaii, they do fat on a whole different scale. Think about it - polynesian ancestry and american - some are so big they have small asteroids orbiting them.

Little Green Man · Post by **Little Green Man** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 12:27 pm

God bless America...

americantrotter · Post by **americantrotter** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 7:59 pm

Wow, was just searching for something else and found this. You guys are really obsessed with America the fat arent you? We are not all like that thanks.

It's as bad as when I have to explain that not all English folk are dunk soccer fans.

Stereotypes are fun I guess.

ratbert · Post by **ratbert** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 8:16 pm

You could tell them that all people from Liverpool know The Beatles.

And we all drink tea. With the Queen.

americantrotter · Post by **americantrotter** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 8:29 pm

Yes, I've heard that too. My favorite stupid question was being asked what language we spoke in England? (In English class FFS!) I asked what he spoke....you guessed it, American!

Little Green Man · Post by **Little Green Man** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 10:37 pm

We had news today that the fattest place in England is Sedgefield, which is Tony Blair's constituency. If that doesn't show he's sucking up the the 'Merkins, then I don't know what else does.

Little Green Man · Post by **Little Green Man** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 10:42 pm

americantrotter wrote:Yes, I've heard that too. My favorite stupid question was being asked what language we spoke in England? (In English class FFS!) I asked what he spoke....you guessed it, American!

We get your idiot questions over here too. I know of a time when an American (ie USA in case any offended Canadians are watching) asked at what time the One O'Clock Gun was fired at Edinburgh Castle.

Along similar lines, one of his compatriots asked how long had the Camera Obscura been in colour.

Note: just re-read that and it sounds a bit biased. I'm only anti-idiot-Americans. (Actually, I'm just anti-idiots.)

CAPSLOCK · Post by **CAPSLOCK** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:26 pm

americantrotter wrote:It's as bad as when I have to explain that not all English folk are drunk soccer fans.

DON'T BE INCLUDING ME IN ANY DENIAL

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:58 pm

All Englishmen wear bowler hats, carry rolled umbrellas and eat cucumber sandwiches. Oh, and also carry a copy of the Times around.

The reality is, a lot of us have never seen the Tower of London, been to Ascot, seen a polo match, met the Queen (or even seen her except on TV, although I did once, in Widsor, coming back from a Cup Final). Our most famous holiday resort (good old Blackpool) has beaches no one with any sense goes near, the place stinks of greasy hamburgers and is full of Scots who love the place and drunken teenagers. No town is free of a dreaded McDonalds or Burgerking, the Government is promoting healthy eating for kids but forgot all about mentioning excersise and has managed to fob off anything remotely connected with public services to privatisation.

Everything we invented has been taken over and bettered by Germans and Japanese and all our food outlets are run by Chinese, Italians, Indians or various other nationalities. The good old "corner shops" have disappeared in favour of supermarkets and the few that are left are all Asian owned together with all our newsagents. We can't fly our flags, mention Christmas or indeed do much that is considered "English" in the old sense.

God Bless Queen Victoria, a very good man!

picaro · Post by **picaro** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 2:25 am

Batman wrote:I have come to realise, i think the country is amazing, but the people, especially the whiny little tw*ts on the rides are absolute f-ckers.

coming to the defense of the US peeps they can't help having such a high obesity rate...

additves added to every shite
the cheapest food available is fatty food
the concept of eating in large quantities

one can only wonder how there hasn't been an enormous exponential growth in heartattacks week by week!

CrazyHorse · Post by **CrazyHorse** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:01 am

TANGODANCER wrote:All Englishmen wear bowler hats, carry rolled umbrellas and eat cucumber sandwiches. Oh, and also carry a copy of the Times around.

Sounds like a typical day in the life of CrazyHorse to me....

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