Joke thread

eddybwfc · Post by **eddybwfc** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:21 pm

Who invented football?

Jesus, cause when he came in for the cross the defenders nailed him down....

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:23 pm

actually it was the folk of florence

Dave Sutton's barnet · Post by **Dave Sutton's barnet** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:27 pm

Mar wrote:Dyslexic walks into a bra.

There's a sad end to the tale. He got so pissed he choked on his own vimto.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:36 pm

Dave Sutton's barnet wrote:
Mar wrote:Dyslexic walks into a bra.
There's a sad end to the tale. He got so pissed he choked on his own vimto.

Although his untimely passing did furnish him with the answer to the age old question of whether or not there is a dog.

Montreal Wanderer · Post by **Montreal Wanderer** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 2:16 pm

A Jewish mother walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
'Behave, my bubaleh' she says.

'Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!
And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.

Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!'
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
'So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?'

The boy answers, 'I learned my name is Jerry.

eddybwfc · Post by **eddybwfc** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 4:08 pm

I were watching the Olympics a few months ago, and i noticed the chineese are good at everything...

And then i remember, They were not to good at cockle picking on morecambe bay

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 4:16 pm

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4yjJFt3uF ... re=related

BWFC_Wyles · Post by **BWFC_Wyles** » Thu Sep 25, 2008 4:53 pm

Batman wrote:http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4yjJFt3uF ... re=related

PHENOMENAL

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:22 pm

Rang the council up and asked if I could have a skip outside my house.

Bloke replied,: "You can do cartwheels round the fxxxing block for all I care!"

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:59 pm

This vicar is booking a room in a hotel says to the receptionist...

"i hope the porn channel in my room is disabled"

she replied

"No sir, its just regular porn you sick bastard!"

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:10 pm

A man and a little boy are walking in the woods late at night with no torches.

“im scared” said the boy

The man replied “ you think YOU’RE scared!? I have to walk back alone”

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:20 pm

Puskas · Post by **Puskas** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:41 pm

A bloke walks into a bookies and says, "Can I back a horse in here?"
The bookie says, "Of course, mate, that's what we're here for."
"Thanks," says the bloke, then leans out the door shouting, "OK, come on, left-hand down a bit..."

lovethesmellofnapalm · Post by **lovethesmellofnapalm** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 8:28 pm

What did the blind seagull say when he flew into a cliff???

FUUUUUUUUUUCK

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 11:21 am

Batman wrote:http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4yjJFt3uF ... re=related

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pHPnR0jn5 ... re=related

lovethesmellofnapalm · Post by **lovethesmellofnapalm** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 1:56 pm

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6xIthYHZKjE

BWFC_Wyles · Post by **BWFC_Wyles** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 4:09 pm

Gary Glitter has said that he wants to be cremated when he dies, so his ashes can be placed into an Etch-A-Sketch.

That way, kids can still fiddle with his nob!

Salford Trotter · Post by **Salford Trotter** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 11:33 am

just a few thoughts......

Jose Mourinho was quick to quell the rumours linking him with the Newcastle job this morning saying "I'm not that special"

Advice for Newcastle fans:
Don't throw away your 'King Kev' shirts. Simply add 'Fuc' at the front of it then you'll be sorted!

Joe Kinnear, The worst caretaker appointment since Ian Huntley.

Why do so many housewives love Arsenal ?
Because they stay on top for ages & then come second...

Darren Bent £16.5m
David Bentley £15m
Luka Modric £16.6m
Spurs being bottom of the Premiership after six games...........PRICELESS!

Montreal Wanderer · Post by **Montreal Wanderer** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 9:37 pm

Not sure if this belongs here tbh

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 9:58 pm

Who are the best people in the hospital?

.....

The ultrasound people.

(I'll close the door behind me)

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