Joke thread

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:31 pm

Is that a moral objection on a joke thread including subject matter such as bestiality, incest, rape, and child kidnapp at THIS point?

indeed.

InsaneApache · Post by **InsaneApache** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:32 pm

I've no time for Goody. However the poor girls dying.

eddybwfc · Post by **eddybwfc** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:38 pm

Worthy4England wrote:One day a Bolton Wanderers fan was walking down a beach when he found a bottle. Not being ignorent he picked it up and rubbed it.

A genie then appeared from the bottle and said to the Bolton fan that he would grant him three wishes but all Blackburn Rovers fans would get double what he wishes for.

So the Bolton fan says: "I've always wanted a Ferrari, so a Ferrari appears before his eyes as all Blackburn fans receive two Ferraris.

He then says that he always wanted a million pounds - a sack of money drops before his eyes. The genie says you know that all Blackburn fans will get two million quid. The Bolton fan said: "Yeah, as long as I have a million pounds it's okay."

The genie says you have one wish left, so he says: "Well I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

Im loving it

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:40 pm

InsaneApache wrote:I've no time for Goody. However the poor girls dying.

Neither have I, I think she is a stupid talentless fool, a sign of what is wrong with celebrity culture, and an ignorant racist to boot. That doesn't mean i think she deserves cancer. Nor do i think cancer itself is funny. Nor in fact is any of that the point. I don't think bestiality is funny. I don't think Maddie McCann's disappearance is funny. I don't think the Joseph Fritzl situation was funny. The events in question aren't the point. Yet all these things happen, and if you don't laugh you have to cry. These jokes arent funny because bad stuff happens, they are funny because finding laughter in even the worse of situations is a way of sticking two fingers to death and pain and all the other bad stuff.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:46 pm

Dad, what are tits?

Those erm, bits that stick out on you mother's chest.

Oh, well, what's a cxnt then?

The rest of her.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:47 pm

A slightly less risqué one. Hope nobody depressed reads it though. Might offend them.

Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.

I realised my life was a big joke.

jimbo · Post by **jimbo** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:54 pm

Prufrock wrote:A slightly less risqué one. Hope nobody depressed reads it though. Might offend them.

Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.

I realised my life was a big joke.

FFS Prufrock. I'm a photosensitive epileptic, recovering alcoholic and have no legs. Please don't make fun of me being unable to do the activities you mention.

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 4:10 pm

Prufrock wrote:
InsaneApache wrote:I've no time for Goody. However the poor girls dying.
Neither have I, I think she is a stupid talentless fool, a sign of what is wrong with celebrity culture, and an ignorant racist to boot. That doesn't mean i think she deserves cancer. Nor do i think cancer itself is funny. Nor in fact is any of that the point. I don't think bestiality is funny. I don't think Maddie McCann's disappearance is funny. I don't think the Joseph Fritzl situation was funny. The events in question aren't the point. Yet all these things happen, and if you don't laugh you have to cry. These jokes arent funny because bad stuff happens, they are funny because finding laughter in even the worse of situations is a way of sticking two fingers to death and pain and all the other bad stuff.

well if you out it like that... I hear Jade Goody recieved some positive news earlier this week,

apparently she got 10 quid for her hairdrer on ebay!

jaffka · Post by **jaffka** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 5:12 pm

TANGODANCER wrote:Dad, what are tits?

Those erm, bits that stick out on you mother's chest.

Oh, well, what's a cxnt then?

The rest of her.

I did'nt know that the person who I perceive as the gentleman of this forum knew language like that

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 5:20 pm

My wife told me that since she got pregnant, she worries that I will not fancy her anymore because she is getting fat. She worries that I will leave her and go off with someone younger and slimmer.
She asked me what my biggest fear was.
"Bears," I told her.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 7:23 pm

jaffka wrote:
TANGODANCER wrote:Dad, what are tits?

Those erm, bits that stick out on you mother's chest.

Oh, well, what's a cxnt then?

The rest of her.

I did'nt know that the person who I perceive as the gentleman of this forum knew language like that

Ha,ha. Like it. Unfortunately, I've never been on the Road to Damascus or met the Pope.

This "gentleman" worked sixteen years in an engineering firm, twenty years in Liverpool's docklands and did three and a half years as a security guard as well as owning two antique shops amongst other things. I also did a bit on night club doors, scrap-metal and a building site, way back. Not bad for an ex altar-boy.

Anyway, I only repeated it, not wrote it.

CrazyHorse · Post by **CrazyHorse** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 10:51 am

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

CrazyHorse · Post by **CrazyHorse** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 10:52 am

I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:41 am

Jade Goody is a bit pissed off... Wendy Richards has beaten her to the babysitting job of David Camerons kid!

On a brighter note, she has just sealed an exclusive tv deal... she'll be appearing in most haunted sometime in the spring!

Little Green Man · Post by **Little Green Man** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:30 pm

General Mannerheim wrote:Jade Goody is a bit pissed off... Wendy Richards has beaten her to the babysitting job of David Camerons kid!

On a brighter note, she has just sealed an exclusive tv deal... she'll be appearing in most haunted sometime in the spring!

That Jack Tweed will have to be quick if he wants to appear on Celebrity Wife Swap.

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:31 pm

General Mannerheim wrote:Jade Goody is a bit pissed off... Wendy Richards has beaten her to the babysitting job of David Camerons kid!

On a brighter note, she has just sealed an exclusive tv deal... she'll be appearing in most haunted sometime in the spring!

It is indeed a sick, sick world in which you reside General

knobpolisher · Post by **knobpolisher** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 9:22 pm

Bit harsh.
Mind you I think they have been a bit hasty getting married so quickly , these celebrity marriages - I will give it six months at the most.

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 10:08 am

What's (buffering 21%)

the (buffering 45%) best

way (buffering 69%)

to lose (buffering 86%) a

(buffering 100%) hard-on?

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 12:12 pm

General Mannerheim wrote:Jade Goody is a bit pissed off... Wendy Richards has beaten her to the babysitting job of David Camerons kid!

On a brighter note, she has just sealed an exclusive tv deal... she'll be appearing in most haunted sometime in the spring!

Fook me that bits funny

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Wed Mar 04, 2009 12:15 pm

Two lesbiens asked a neighbour what he wanted for Christmas.
"I just wanna watch" he replied.
They bought him a Seiko.

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