Today I'm angry about.....

[Hoboh]

Starlings.

Greedy bxstards nick all the food and shxt in mid-air all over the garden and path while doing it. Our regulars ; Couple of Blackbirds, two Wood Doves, Robins, a whole host of Blue-Tits and a pair of speckled thrushes can't get a look in for those greasy greedy gits.

Torys?

[Hoboh]

My car, a one year old Golf, was back in to the main dealers today for the fifth warranty repair since I bought the car last November.

On the drive home the very same set of faults reappeared!

That's another day off work needed to get it fixed!

Tell 'em they need to swap it.

And stop fecking you about.

I had a similar issue with a SAAB a few years ago.

This led, one day, to me leaving their Chester dealership with the ringing words of " ... & if someone firebombs this bloody place this weekend you know where to find me ...".
Clapton, the threat of the press is always worth trying on. My 'brother' has 'worked' variously for local press, national press & even 'in TV' at times. You do get people's attention.

That not bring round the ol, Bill with tasers? If not why not? bloody well not doing their jobs! another fault of Brown and nanny Haperperson

[as]

Cats

In particular, cats and their fcuking selfish fcuking owners who think it's OK for the vermin to skate all over my car, leaving scratches galore

Come the day, cats and their owners will die

You have no idea.

Come the day, cats will be our glorious leaders, and we will all bow to them.

I, for one, welcome our new cat overlords.

For some reason that really cracked me up then

Today I'm angry about a lack of sleep, well I say angry, but I'm too zonked to get in that state of mind.

[thebish]

Cats

In particular, cats and their fcuking selfish fcuking owners who think it's OK for the vermin to skate all over my car, leaving scratches galore

Come the day, cats and their owners will die

You have no idea.

Come the day, cats will be our glorious leaders, and we will all bow to them.

I, for one, welcome our new cat overlords.

For some reason that really cracked me up then

exceopt that Puskas is DEADLY SERIOUS!

[bobo the clown]

The general public.
How some of them remember to breath beats me.

Staying in a 14 story hotel there was a fire alarm at 5.50am today. Not a good thing & like ever, your instinct is that it'll be a false alarm, but you (a) should and (b) must, take it seriously.

I pull on some kecks, shoes & a t-shirt and make my way to the fire exits.

The noise was deafening, but people still appeared at their doors saying "is that the fire alarm ?". No, it's my fckg mobile set on loud you bloody eejit.

One guy stood in the corridor in his grunters just looking dazed & then announced that he'd left his key-card in his room.

As we made our way to the exits, past the liftd, there were dozens queuing to catch a lift down !! At what point did these people, mostly late middle-aged Germans by the way, miss the "in case of a fire do not use the lifts! ? Is it different there ?!?!?! Maybe fire has different properties in the EuroZone ?!

I pointed out to some that the lifts should not be used, really. Do YOU know the German for "mind your own fckg business you stupid English" ? I do, now.

The alarm then was switched off & literally hundreds of residents simply turned around & went back to their rooms. Alarm stopped = act like it had never gone off.

The Fireman Sam's arrived to find the hotel largely re-occupied, a small number of bedraggled guests standing outside ... including the man in his grundy's ... and the lifts with queue's outside waiting to go back to their rooms.

The Sam's went ape-shit & guess what ... set the alarm off to attain a full evacuation until they gave it the all-cleat, to find that many, many, many just stayed in their beds.

Stunning.

... & yes, it was a false alarm.

[jimbo]

To be honest, living in student halls has sort of taught me to ignore fire alarms with them going off weekly at 5am and having to get out of bed and go and stand in the freezing February night with nowt but a pair of boxers and a teeshirt on wasn't that appealing.

[thebish]

Every year I slog the streets and pester people for money on the doorsteps for Christian Aid.

Not everyone wants to give to Christian Aid on the doorstep - and that's fine - I'm a big boy, I won't cry

BUT...

don't feck me about with utterly stupid timewasting excuses - just tell me you're not gonna give me anything and I'll move on...

Me: Sorry to bother you - I've come to collect your Christian Aid envelope
man: Oh - err - we didn't get one.
Me (to myself) I know full well you got one - I delivered it myself yesterday - it is a giant feck-off red colour - impossible to lose!
Me (to man): Would you like a spare one?
man: Oh - no - my wife deals with all that and she's out
Me: would you like me to leave a spare one and come back another day?
man: Oh - no - we never give at the door
Me: (to myself) well, why the feck didn't you tell me that in the first place you wanker!
Me: (to man) ok - sorry to have disturbed you - good night.

(then I draw a small cock in chalk on his gatepost to remind me for next year..)

[hisroyalgingerness]

Too many times have my hotel stays been interrupted by the fire alarm. Last time at a Travelodge in London, we complained because it was obviously a false alarm and the staff didn't even bother to role call - and that the water was freezing so didn't shower. Full refund, in a blink. Daft buggers.

But my favourite was first time they took me to the big travel trade show. I were't youngest one there, and the plan was to meet at half 8, go get breakfast on the way to the event. Fire alarm went off at 8.25. Our Italy Account Manager was in reception, immaculate and ready to go. The women came down still fixing make up, but otherwise ready to go. Junior here, after a decent nightcap in the bar.... stood outside in bed shorts, bedhead and a hastily pulled on jumper. Not good.

Having said that, did you see the fire at the hotel in Harrogate last week. Was a bad un.

[Bruce Rioja]

People that turn up at my door, begging for money, who simply don't understand polite hints. There'll be a pale of dogshit waiting for the next one!

[bobo the clown]

To be honest, living in student halls has sort of taught me to ignore fire alarms with them going off weekly at 5am and having to get out of bed and go and stand in the freezing February night with nowt but a pair of boxers and a teeshirt on wasn't that appealing.

Frigging with fire alarms should be, at the very least, expulsion from halls with no refund. In repeat cases expulsion from the University on the grounds of being too fckg stupid to deserve being educated at public expense.

A bit like video evidence of diving = a 3 match ban. A bit harsh on the first couple to do it, but it'd bloody stop then.

[thebish]

People that turn up at my door, begging for money, who simply don't understand polite hints. There'll be a pale of dogshit waiting for the next one!

it was you Bruce! that dressing gown really didn't do you any favours!

[Bruce Rioja]

People that turn up at my door, begging for money, who simply don't understand polite hints. There'll be a pale of dogshit waiting for the next one!

it was you Bruce! that dressing gown really didn't do you any favours!

[CAPSLOCK]

Cats

Now one of the fcukers has coughed its guts up on my drive

Dirty, dirty, dirty bastards

[TANGODANCER]

To be honest, living in student halls has sort of taught me to ignore fire alarms with them going off weekly at 5am and having to get out of bed and go and stand in the freezing February night with nowt but a pair of boxers and a teeshirt on wasn't that appealing.

Frigging with fire alarms should be, at the very least, expulsion from halls with no refund. In repeat cases expulsion from the University on the grounds of being too fckg stupid to deserve being educated at public expense.

A bit like video evidence of diving = a 3 match ban. A bit harsh on the first couple to do it, but it'd bloody stop then.

As head fire warden for my firm for several years , before retiring I have no fitting words to describe the stupidity of some people where that topic is concerned.

[Prufrock]

To be honest, living in student halls has sort of taught me to ignore fire alarms with them going off weekly at 5am and having to get out of bed and go and stand in the freezing February night with nowt but a pair of boxers and a teeshirt on wasn't that appealing.

Frigging with fire alarms should be, at the very least, expulsion from halls with no refund. In repeat cases expulsion from the University on the grounds of being too fckg stupid to deserve being educated at public expense.

A bit like video evidence of diving = a 3 match ban. A bit harsh on the first couple to do it, but it'd bloody stop then.

As head fire warden for my firm for several years , before retiring I have no fitting words to describe the stupidity of some people where that topic is concerned.

You're reactions are both right, but I share Jimbo's experiences. I remember one sunday in exam time it went off four times in one night. Always at the weekend when folk came in pissed and left stuff on in the kitchen. Some folk started setting it off on purpose every weeked for about a month. Got rightly kicked out of halls, but surprisingly not uni. Got a pretty pointless bollocking off the Sams. So dangerous though, folk stopped going out. After three times in on enight, you've had enough.

[Puskas]

Cats

Now one of the fcukers has coughed its guts up on my drive

Dirty, dirty, dirty bastards

Well you shouldn't have grass growing in your garden, should you? It's a cat emetic.

So when the cats walk past, they look up and see it, and think, "Oooh look at all that nice grass the nice man's planted for us - so green and lush and inviting." Then eat it and vomit.

It's like if you were selling heroin to children, and then one of the children collapses and dies on your drive. You can't just say, "Well the child shouldn't have taken the heroin", you need to adopt some personal responsibility for selling it in the first place.

Learn to love the cats. They're the future.

[CAPSLOCK]

I don't remember inviting the fcukers on to my estate

What can I buy to kill them?

Will rat poison work?

[Puskas]

You're a very mean man.

And the cats will, of course, remember it when they're in charge.

Have you ever seen the Peter Cushing film The Uncanny?

Watch it. It's like a documentary.

[General Mannerheim]

I don't remember inviting the fcukers on to my estate

What can I buy to kill them?

Will rat poison work?

rope, hang every one of the fcukers from a tree in your front garden!

[boltonboris]

Whilst we're on this Pet thing... I booted a dog square in the face last week for shitting on my lawn and having a go at one of my cats... It were a big fecker an' all. Labrador I think, the owner did nowt.. I've not seen it since