Joke thread

[davroduk]

Latest Golf news........
Seve Ballesteros 6 under..

SORRY..

[seanworth]

[jaffka]

A teacher asks her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.

Sally raises her hand.

"Yes, Sally?"

She answers, "I was at the doctor's office with my mom, but she told me not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious."

"Very good, Sally!" the teacher said, "Anyone else want to try?"

Jessie raises her hand. "Yes, Jessie?"

She answers, "My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He said yawning is contagious."

"Excellent work, Jessie! Very creative," the teacher praises. "Okay, one more volunteer."

Little Bobby raises his hand.

"Yes, Bobby?"

"Well," he says, "I was helping my dad with the garden the other day, and we saw my neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know, but it's gonna take that contagious.'"

[Montreal Wanderer]

This joke was told by Desmond Tutu giving the keynote address at the American Psychiatric Association this week in Hawaii.

A man, walking along a cliff, slips and falls, grabs on to an exposed tree root and is dangling over the abyss.

He yells, "Oh god, help, is there anybody up there who can help me?"

A deep booming voice from the heavens replies: "My son, because of your faith in me these many years I will save you. Just let go of the root,and I will catch you before you crash onto the jagged rocks below."

After about twenty seconds of thought the man yells again: "Is there anybody ELSE up there who can help me....."

[Lofthouse Lower]

He shouldn't give up the day job

[Montreal Wanderer]

He shouldn't give up the day job

He was trying to explain the difference between faith and reason, but it may be too subtle for some....

[Lofthouse Lower]

Thanks for the condescension, but it was still a bit pants

[jaffka]

Thanks for the condescension, but it was still a bit pants

[Montreal Wanderer]

Thanks for the condescension, but it was still a bit pants

Geez - he's nearly 80, an archbishop and Nobel laureate, and you want a sidesplitter or something very vulgar? Dear me.

[Lofthouse Lower]

That's exactly what I want.

If my 90 year old granddad can still tell cock and balls jokes when he's not been further than Salford, I'd expect that vicar to be able to come up with better.

[jaffka]

That's exactly what I want.

If my 90 year old granddad can still tell cock and balls jokes when he's not been further than Salford, I'd expect that vicar to be able to come up with better.

[Montreal Wanderer]

That's exactly what I want.

If my 90 year old granddad can still tell cock and balls jokes when he's not been further than Salford, I'd expect that vicar to be able to come up with better.

My apologies for not realizing all jokes had to be of the - er - cock and ball type in this forum. Anyway, congratulations - you appear to have found a fan in jaffka who even emulates you in the one smiley response.

[Lofthouse Lower]

[Prufrock]

Pro.

[seanworth]

That's exactly what I want.

If my 90 year old granddad can still tell cock and balls jokes when he's not been further than Salford, I'd expect that vicar to be able to come up with better.

My apologies for not realizing all jokes had to be of the - er - cock and ball type in this forum. Anyway, congratulations - you appear to have found a fan in jaffka who even emulates you in the one smiley response.

Don't worry I think he meant cock and bull story anyhow.

[Lofthouse Lower]

That's exactly what I want.

If my 90 year old granddad can still tell cock and balls jokes when he's not been further than Salford, I'd expect that vicar to be able to come up with better.

My apologies for not realizing all jokes had to be of the - er - cock and ball type in this forum. Anyway, congratulations - you appear to have found a fan in jaffka who even emulates you in the one smiley response.

[Montreal Wanderer]

I'll try again - not a joke but from an Augusta, Georgia paper.

[seanworth]

Brilliant. Good thing steps weren't involved in the escape.

[jaffka]

That's exactly what I want.

If my 90 year old granddad can still tell cock and balls jokes when he's not been further than Salford, I'd expect that vicar to be able to come up with better.

My apologies for not realizing all jokes had to be of the - er - cock and ball type in this forum. Anyway, congratulations - you appear to have found a fan in jaffka who even emulates you in the one smiley response.

[Lofthouse Lower]

Why is Darth Vader single?

Cos he looks for love in Alderaan places