Joke thread
Moderator: Zulus Thousand of em
Re: Joke thread
I have four problems in life: counting, remembering and counting.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Montreal Wanderer
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- Location: Montreal, Canada
Re: Joke thread
One day in the future, George Bush has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even
let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.
The devil opened a third door.
Through it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even
let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.
The devil opened a third door.
Through it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Re: Joke thread
apologies for the occasional Muricanism.. but at my age - I tick most of these... 
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Gooner Girl
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Re: Joke thread
Can't imagine 2. ever affects you Bish 
and doesn't 11. normally stike you at about 9am in the morning?! 
and doesn't 11. normally stike you at about 9am in the morning?! Re: Joke thread
Gooner Girl wrote:and doesn't 11. normally stike you at about 9am in the morning?!
Re: Joke thread
I have seen hundreds of these lists over the years and most just don't make much sense.
I don't know if it is my age but almost all of these apply to me.
I don't know if it is my age but almost all of these apply to me.
Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.
Re: Joke thread
Am I missing something? what list?
Re: Joke thread
The 23 Adult Truths above.The Axman wrote:Am I missing something? what list?
Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.
Re: Joke thread
Technical hitch - I MUST BE MISSING A LINK I can't see the 23 Adult Truthsmalcd1 wrote:The 23 Adult Truths above.The Axman wrote:Am I missing something? what list?
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Lord Kangana
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Re: Joke thread
Any better?thebish wrote:apologies for the occasional Muricanism.. but at my age - I tick most of these...
You can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks.
Yes, you can stare into the abyss, but it's staring right back.
Yes, you can stare into the abyss, but it's staring right back.
Re: Joke thread
How about this:
Image
Mwahahahahahahahhaah
Image
MwahahahahahahahhaahIn a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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2399
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- Location: 10500+ Miles from the Reebok.
Re: Joke thread
My partner was getting me a $3000 dollar bike for my birthday, but she decided to put in an extra $50 and get me a Taylor Swift Concert Ticket instead 
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truewhite15
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Re: Joke thread
Ha ha...?2399 wrote:My partner was getting me a $3000 dollar bike for my birthday, but she decided to put in an extra $50 and get me a Taylor Swift Concert Ticket instead
Re: Joke thread
I just love this one:
Re: Joke thread
(As it's nearly Christmas....)
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas…………
The Mince Spy
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas…………
The Mince Spy
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