Joke thread
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TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
That's not bad.thebish wrote:Who led the Pedants Revolt?
Which Tyler.
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
Re: Joke thread
Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes?
He just won the Nobel prize
He just won the Nobel prize
"Young people, nowadays, imagine money is everything."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
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Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread
Right over my head, I'm afraid.Verbal wrote:Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes?
He just won the Nobel prize
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Annoyed Grunt
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Re: Joke thread
Really?Montreal Wanderer wrote:Right over my head, I'm afraid.Verbal wrote:Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes?
He just won the Nobel prize
Re: Joke thread
I'm with Monty on this oneAnnoyed Grunt wrote:Really?Montreal Wanderer wrote:Right over my head, I'm afraid.Verbal wrote:Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes?
He just won the Nobel prize
sorry.Re: Joke thread
in white below:Montreal Wanderer wrote:Right over my head, I'm afraid.Verbal wrote:Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes?
He just won the Nobel prize
No bell
"Young people, nowadays, imagine money is everything."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
Re: Joke thread
Oh dear.Verbal wrote:in white below:Montreal Wanderer wrote:Right over my head, I'm afraid.Verbal wrote:Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes?
He just won the Nobel prize
No bell
Re: Joke thread
You love it.
"Young people, nowadays, imagine money is everything."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
Re: Joke thread
What's Santa's favourite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Re: Joke thread
thebish wrote:I thought that was Good King Wenceslas's favourite pizza!
Worst joke in the world, and I cock it up!-
boltonboris
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Re: Joke thread
Missus told me that one the other day, straight out of her Advent calnder. That also said 'Santa's'.
I didn't get it anyway, because I had no idea those were the lyrics to the carol.
I didn't get it anyway, because I had no idea those were the lyrics to the carol.
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
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Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread
The Axman wrote:Oh dear.Verbal wrote:in white below:Montreal Wanderer wrote:Right over my head, I'm afraid.Verbal wrote:Did you hear about the guy who invented knock-knock jokes?
He just won the Nobel prize
No bell
Perhaps it works better when spoken..."If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
Are the French immune from racism? Friend of mine seems to think so:
Legendary quotes about the French!
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from those drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
Mark Twain
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"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
General George S. Patton
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"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
Norman Schwarzkopf
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“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.”
Marge Simpson
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“As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.”
Jacques Chirac, President of France
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“The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.”
Regis Philbin
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“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.”
Unamed U.S. Senator
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“The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag.”
David Letterman
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“Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada .”
Ted Nugent
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“War without France would be like World War II.”
Unknown
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“The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq , then France ’.''
Tom Brokaw
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“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?”
Dennis Miller
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“It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.”
Alan Kent
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“They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.”
Argus Hamilton
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“Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day. The description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once’.''
Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
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“The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq .”
Dennis Miller
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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
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“Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not known, it's never been tried.”
Rep. R. Blount, MO
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“Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining!”
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
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French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris which caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
Legendary quotes about the French!
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from those drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
Mark Twain
------------------------------
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
General George S. Patton
------------------------------
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
Norman Schwarzkopf
------------------------------
“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.”
Marge Simpson
------------------------------
“As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.”
Jacques Chirac, President of France
------------------------------
“The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.”
Regis Philbin
------------------------------
“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.”
Unamed U.S. Senator
------------------------------
“The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag.”
David Letterman
------------------------------
“Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada .”
Ted Nugent
------------------------------
“War without France would be like World War II.”
Unknown
------------------------------
“The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq , then France ’.''
Tom Brokaw
------------------------------
“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?”
Dennis Miller
------------------------------
“It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.”
Alan Kent
-----------------------------
“They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.”
Argus Hamilton
------------------------------
“Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day. The description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once’.''
Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
-----------------------------
“The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq .”
Dennis Miller
------------------------------
Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
-----------------------------
“Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not known, it's never been tried.”
Rep. R. Blount, MO
------------------------------
“Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining!”
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
------------------------------
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris which caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
Re: Joke thread
As I tucked my daughter into bed she said, "I asked Santa if he could get you and mummy back together"
I said, "Oh Lily, why did you do that?"
She said, "Because I hate you and I know how miserable she makes you"
I said, "Oh Lily, why did you do that?"
She said, "Because I hate you and I know how miserable she makes you"
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
Not much raising a smile today. This did:
Four blokes having a phylosophical discusion on what is the fastest thing in the world:
1. "Thought. It's thought before you think it. That's fast, so thought! "
2. " A blink of the eye. Not much faster than that, is there, so, a blink! "
3." Electriciy. You touch a switch, instant action. It's electricity!"
4. "Diarreah"
All: "What?. Explain that"
4. "Last night I had it. Before I could think, blink or switch on the light, I shat myself"
Four blokes having a phylosophical discusion on what is the fastest thing in the world:
1. "Thought. It's thought before you think it. That's fast, so thought! "
2. " A blink of the eye. Not much faster than that, is there, so, a blink! "
3." Electriciy. You touch a switch, instant action. It's electricity!"
4. "Diarreah"
All: "What?. Explain that"
4. "Last night I had it. Before I could think, blink or switch on the light, I shat myself"
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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Wandering Willy
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Re: Joke thread
They're dirty, they're filthy, they're never gonna last.
Poor man last, rich man first.
Poor man last, rich man first.
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Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread
A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz
Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the
acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after
Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?" "No," replied the guide.
"It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."
"Never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check", replied the guide.
Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the
acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after
Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?" "No," replied the guide.
"It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."
"Never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check", replied the guide.
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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TANGODANCER
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- Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:35 pm
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