Joke thread

[Always hopeful]

I was mugged by a man on crutches, wearing camouflage. Ha ha, I thought, you can hide but you can’t run.

[bwfcdan94]

I was talking to a chap from Switzerland the other day. I asked him what the advantages of living there were. He said "Well, there's the flag - that's a big plus."

simple but funny good stuff

[jaffka]

An inifinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician says, "I'll have a pint."

The second mathematician says, "I'll have half a pint."

The third mathematician says, "I'll have a quarter of a pint."

The fourth mathematician says, "I'll have an eighth of a pint."

The bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two pints.

[malcd1]

An inifinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician says, "I'll have a pint."

The second mathematician says, "I'll have half a pint."

The third mathematician says, "I'll have a quarter of a pint."

The fourth mathematician says, "I'll have an eighth of a pint."

The bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two pints.

That made me smile. Crap but still made me smile.

[Bruce Rioja]

An inifinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician says, "I'll have a pint."

The second mathematician says, "I'll have half a pint."

The third mathematician says, "I'll have a quarter of a pint."

The fourth mathematician says, "I'll have an eighth of a pint."

The bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two pints.

That doesn't add up!

[jaffka]

An inifinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician says, "I'll have a pint."

The second mathematician says, "I'll have half a pint."

The third mathematician says, "I'll have a quarter of a pint."

The fourth mathematician says, "I'll have an eighth of a pint."

The bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two pints.

That doesn't add up!

It never will add up but 2 pints will always be enough for what the endless amount of mathematicians are asking for

[Bruce Rioja]

An inifinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician says, "I'll have a pint."

The second mathematician says, "I'll have half a pint."

The third mathematician says, "I'll have a quarter of a pint."

The fourth mathematician says, "I'll have an eighth of a pint."

The bartender says, "You're all assholes," and pours two pints.

That doesn't add up!

It never will add up but 2 pints will always be enough for what the endless amount of mathematicians are asking for

Hand me my 'Golden Dan'!

[Lost Leopard Spot]

[IggyTheDawgster]

Owen Coyle is a good manager.

[thebish]

The daredevil skydiver Felix Baumgartner is to jump from the edge of space, 36,576 metres (120,000ft) above the Earth, breaking a record set over the last 2 years. He hopes to be the first person to freefall faster than Owen Coyle – about 690mph (1,110km/h)...


I'll get my coat, I suppose!

[Worthy4England]

The daredevil skydiver Felix Baumgartner is to jump from the edge of space, 36,576 metres (120,000ft) above the Earth, breaking a record set over the last 2 years. He hopes to be the first person to freefall faster than Owen Coyle – about 690mph (1,110km/h)...


I'll get my coat, I suppose!

You should.

But I did wonder why we really needed the parachute payments.

Was mine next to yours?

[Lost Leopard Spot]

I'll get you a new book of jokes for Christmas... (both of you)

[thebish]

[IggyTheDawgster]

I like that one bish.

[Prufrock]

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done", said my wife, before storming out the front door.

Famous last words, I thought.

[Bruce Rioja]

^ Love it.

[Beefheart]

I just had to ring up Seaworld. I was told my call may be recorded for training porpoises

[thebish]

I just had to ring up Seaworld. I was told my call may be recorded for training porpoises

[boltonboris]

More sex scandal at the BBC:

Turns out morph was a playdoughphile

[thebish]

More sex scandal at the BBC:

Turns out morph was a playdoughphile