Joke thread
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Annoyed Grunt
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Re: Joke thread
Harry Genshaw wrote:Brace yourself then lad - I'll be round after the Blackburn gameAnnoyed Grunt wrote:Would love to practice sex......of any kind.
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Gooner Girl
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Re: Joke thread
Oh, you guys! Such a sweet couple...Annoyed Grunt wrote:Harry Genshaw wrote:Brace yourself then lad - I'll be round after the Blackburn gameAnnoyed Grunt wrote:Would love to practice sex......of any kind.
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Annoyed Grunt
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Re: Joke thread
Gooner Girl wrote:Oh, you guys! Such a sweet couple...Annoyed Grunt wrote:Harry Genshaw wrote:Brace yourself then lad - I'll be round after the Blackburn gameAnnoyed Grunt wrote:Would love to practice sex......of any kind.
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Lost Leopard Spot
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TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
Heard this yesterday:
"I've always thought I had a birthmark on my bum-cheek. Turns out it's a cigar burn. Hows about that then?"
"I've always thought I had a birthmark on my bum-cheek. Turns out it's a cigar burn. Hows about that then?"
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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Bruce Rioja
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Bruce Rioja
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Re: Joke thread
My Grandad used to randomly shout things out like "panzer at 500 yards". He had Turrets Syndrome !
May the bridges I burn light your way
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Bruce Rioja
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Re: Joke thread
Just been down the Doctors to pick up some results. He said "I've got some good news and some bad news for you". I said "Go on then, let's have the good news". He replied "They're about to name a disease after you"! 
May the bridges I burn light your way
Re: Joke thread
Bruce Rioja wrote:My Grandad used to randomly shout things out like "panzer at 500 yards". He had Turrets Syndrome !
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
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Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
What do we want...?
Time Travel.
When do we want it...?
It's irrelevant.
Time Travel.
When do we want it...?
It's irrelevant.
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
"What do we want? Unfair. When do we want it? Change!"
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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boltonboris
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Re: Joke thread
What do we want: A cure for Autism.
When do we want it.. Ooh look at his red bike.
When do we want it.. Ooh look at his red bike.
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
Re: Joke thread
"I love you loads, honeypie." My wife said earlier.
"And I love you tons." I replied.
"What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fat cow's going deaf.
"And I love you tons." I replied.
"What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fat cow's going deaf.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
I don't like Russian dolls....
... they're so full of themselves.
... they're so full of themselves.
That's not a leopard!
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Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
Never read a pop-up book about giraffes.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs? …Because they are naturally high.
A police officer is stopped at a red light. While there, he notices quite a din coming from the trunk of a car in front of him. He approaches the driver of said car and instructs him to get out of the vehicle and open the trunk. The driver complies, and in the trunk are a dozen giraffes. The police officer says, "Take these giraffes to the zoo immediately!!" The driver says, "Right away officer!" and drives off.
The following day the cop is at the same red light, and who should be stopped in front of him but the same car with the same loud noise coming from the trunk.
The cop is really irritated now and again tells the driver to get out and open his trunk. There are the same dozen giraffes, only this time they're all wearing swimming trunks.
The policeman says, "I told you to take these giraffes to the zoo!", to which the driver replies, "But officer, I did...today they want to go to the beach!"
Why don’t giraffes do drugs? …Because they are naturally high.
A police officer is stopped at a red light. While there, he notices quite a din coming from the trunk of a car in front of him. He approaches the driver of said car and instructs him to get out of the vehicle and open the trunk. The driver complies, and in the trunk are a dozen giraffes. The police officer says, "Take these giraffes to the zoo immediately!!" The driver says, "Right away officer!" and drives off.
The following day the cop is at the same red light, and who should be stopped in front of him but the same car with the same loud noise coming from the trunk.
The cop is really irritated now and again tells the driver to get out and open his trunk. There are the same dozen giraffes, only this time they're all wearing swimming trunks.
The policeman says, "I told you to take these giraffes to the zoo!", to which the driver replies, "But officer, I did...today they want to go to the beach!"
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
頑張ってください
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TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
Bloke sees a police car flashing him to stop. Copper walks up to the car to see the driver walloping a dog. Copper says:
"Aye, aye, what's all this then? Speeding, a broken rear light and now your being cruel to a dumb animal. You're in trouble mate"
"Ah, sorry officer. I knew about the rear light and I was on my way to get it fixed. Wanted to get there before dark so I had my foot down a bit."
"Oh aye, and what about hitting the dog then, what's all that about?"
"I was just slowing down to stop when the little bxstard jumped up and ate my tax disc"
"Aye, aye, what's all this then? Speeding, a broken rear light and now your being cruel to a dumb animal. You're in trouble mate"
"Ah, sorry officer. I knew about the rear light and I was on my way to get it fixed. Wanted to get there before dark so I had my foot down a bit."
"Oh aye, and what about hitting the dog then, what's all that about?"
"I was just slowing down to stop when the little bxstard jumped up and ate my tax disc"
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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Annoyed Grunt
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Re: Joke thread
Unsure if should go in here, but:
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boltonboris
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CrazyHorse
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Re: Joke thread
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"Oh God! That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But I guess that would explain the suitcase."
"Oh God! That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But I guess that would explain the suitcase."
Businesswoman of the year.
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