Joke thread

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CrazyHorse
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Re: Joke thread

Post by CrazyHorse » Mon Dec 31, 2012 1:41 pm

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white.”
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davroduk
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Re: Joke thread

Post by davroduk » Mon Dec 31, 2012 8:23 pm

2399 wrote:
davroduk wrote:My new German girlfriend scores me out of 10 everytime we have $ex.
Last night without warning I rammed it all the way up her ar$e.
NINE, NINE. she screamed.
My best score yet !!!!!!

Went down well, have told it twice to groups of people!
Happy to be of help :grin:
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Andy Waller
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Andy Waller » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:30 am

I said to the lady sat in front of me on the bus: "Excuse me, but you've got semen all over the back of your coat."

She said "Are you sure it's not yoghurt?"

I replied "No, I don't ejaculate yoghurt."
What a hero, What a man...... Ooooh, what a bad foul...
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clapton is god
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Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:43 pm

I'm off tomorrow to watch the Reverse Origami Championship.....don't know how it'll unfold!!
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thebish
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Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:46 pm

clapton is god wrote:I'm off tomorrow to watch the Reverse Origami Championship.....don't know how it'll unfold!!
{polite applause!}
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davroduk
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Re: Joke thread

Post by davroduk » Fri Jan 04, 2013 8:09 pm

clapton is god wrote:I'm off tomorrow to watch the Reverse Origami Championship.....don't know how it'll unfold!!


:-D
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Prufrock
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Prufrock » Sat Jan 05, 2013 10:01 am

I was confused when I looked out the window this morning to find it was 2012 again.

Finally I noticed that my mates had taken photos of Monday, enlarged them and stuck them to all my windows.

Bastards.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by ChrisC » Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:51 pm

Paddy says to Murphy " have you seen the news? 3 Cliff Walkers have fallen to their deaths"!!!

Unbelievable said Murphy, cant believe they all had the same name!
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Re: Joke thread

Post by ChrisC » Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:54 pm

Female weightlifter goes to the doctors and says "I've been taking steroids and I've grown a cock."

Doctor asks "Anabolic?"

She says " No, just a cock!"
Last edited by ChrisC on Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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thebish
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Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:15 pm

ChrisC wrote:Female weightlifter goes to the doctors and says "I've been taking steroids and I've grown a cock."

Doctor asks "Anabolic?"

She say " No, just a cock!"

:lol:
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bwfcdan94
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Re: Joke thread

Post by bwfcdan94 » Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:22 pm

HAA HAA, stupid dum Geordie cant understand are match clock.
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
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truewhite15
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Re: Joke thread

Post by truewhite15 » Sat Jan 05, 2013 6:17 pm

bwfcdan94 wrote:HAA HAA, stupid dum Geordie cant understand are match clock.
...Eh?
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bwfcdan94
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Re: Joke thread

Post by bwfcdan94 » Sat Jan 05, 2013 6:19 pm

truewhite15 wrote:
bwfcdan94 wrote:HAA HAA, stupid dum Geordie cant understand are match clock.
...Eh?
didnt listen to the commentary did you.
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
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Worthy4England
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Worthy4England » Sat Jan 05, 2013 8:44 pm

Prufrock wrote:I was confused when I looked out the window this morning to find it was 2012 again.

Finally I noticed that my mates had taken photos of Monday, enlarged them and stuck them to all my windows.

Bastards.
Is this on the right thread? :conf:
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thebish
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Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Sat Jan 05, 2013 8:56 pm

bwfcdan94 wrote:HAA HAA, stupid dum Geordie cant understand are match clock.
Mackem...
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bwfcdan94
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Re: Joke thread

Post by bwfcdan94 » Sun Jan 06, 2013 1:14 pm

no because it happend in Newcastle so :arse:
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
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TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread

Post by TANGODANCER » Sun Jan 06, 2013 1:26 pm

bwfcdan94 wrote:no because it happend in Newcastle so :arse:
Didn't it happen in Bolton Dan?
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PC1978
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Re: Joke thread

Post by PC1978 » Sun Jan 06, 2013 10:28 pm

Bought a blowup doll on Friday but it kept deflating. I took it back to the shop and told the guy that it kept going down on me. He said that will be a tenner extra.
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davroduk
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Re: Joke thread

Post by davroduk » Mon Jan 07, 2013 12:15 am

PC1978 wrote:Bought a blowup doll on Friday but it kept deflating. I took it back to the shop and told the guy that it kept going down on me. He said that will be a tenner extra.
The old ones are the best :roll:
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PC1978
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Re: Joke thread

Post by PC1978 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 9:36 am

davroduk wrote:
PC1978 wrote:Bought a blowup doll on Friday but it kept deflating. I took it back to the shop and told the guy that it kept going down on me. He said that will be a tenner extra.
The old ones are the best :roll:
All I could think of from the top of my head to get this thread back on track as a joke thread. See "joke" above! :D
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