Joke thread

[Dujon]

What a lot of apostrophic nonsense. Over the weekend I'll pop out and have a chat to a few local grocer's and let you know the result.

[clapton is god]

Sad news from the Nestlé factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate. He tried in vain to attract attention, but every time he yelled "the milky bars are on me" people just cheered!!

[clapton is god]

A mate of mine got a date with a Gypsy girl last night, she asked him if he wanted to go to her place for a good time. She wasn't kidding! He went on the dodgems, waltzer, ghost train & came home with a goldfish!!

[Prufrock]

Just watching the news here, & there's a story about an out of work, ex docker who's turned to religion as a last hope. It's fcuking tragic listening to it. His girlfriend's in bits, working all the hours god sends in her job, crying herself to sleep every night. He's even had to pawn his guitar...

Wait... No. Sorry. It's Bon Jovi. It's a Bon Jovi video.

[Bruce Rioja]

A mate of mine got a date with a Gypsy girl last night, she asked him if he wanted to go to her place for a good time. She wasn't kidding! He went on the dodgems, waltzer, ghost train & came home with a goldfish!!

I'm nabbing that. Possibly even putting it forward as my own work too.

[bobo the clown]

The Lone (A) Ranger

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[mrkint]

few beers with mates this evening, which included a little joke session

essentially, the premise is a person will start off with the line 'I've got a business...' after being asked what it is, they will then explain said business. They will be asked how the business is going, upon which they will deliver the punchline which should be a pun on the business.

sounds shit, but it's quite funny. try it

i would post mine, but they are all quite dark-humoured so that won't happen.

[bobo the clown]

A friend of mine has just run off with the usherette from the Odeon cinema.

She always held a torch for him.

[thebish]

[Lost Leopard Spot]

brilliant.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a race across the Channel.



The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

[Always hopeful]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a race across the Channel.



The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

Good grief.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a race across the Channel.



The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

Good grief.

It's the way I tell 'em.

[thebish]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a race across the Channel.



The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

it's a winner!

[Always hopeful]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a race across the Channel.



The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

Good grief.

It's the way I tell 'em.

That's probably the 2nd oldest joke I recall from primary school. The other being about knock knock and Dr Who!

[Lost Leopard Spot]

That's probably the 2nd oldest joke I recall from primary school. The other being about knock knock and Dr Who!

You started it with my dog's got no nose.

[Annoyed Grunt]

That's probably the 2nd oldest joke I recall from primary school. The other being about knock knock and Dr Who!

You started it with my dog's got no nose.

Poor thing....must be difficult for him. Can they fix it?

[bobo the clown]

That's probably the 2nd oldest joke I recall from primary school. The other being about knock knock and Dr Who!

You started it with my dog's got no nose.

Poor thing....must be difficult for him. Can they fix it?

Blimey .... how does he smell ??

[Lost Leopard Spot]

That's probably the 2nd oldest joke I recall from primary school. The other being about knock knock and Dr Who!

You started it with my dog's got no nose.

Poor thing....must be difficult for him. Can they fix it?

Blimey .... how does he smell ??

Terrible.


It's the way I tell'em

[Always hopeful]

That's probably the 2nd oldest joke I recall from primary school. The other being about knock knock and Dr Who!

You started it with my dog's got no nose.

True, but I didn't put that in the joke thread.