Joke thread
Moderator: Zulus Thousand of em
-
clapton is god
- Passionate
- Posts: 2376
- Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:55 pm
- Location: Worryingly close to Old Tr*fford.
- Contact:
Re: Joke thread
Sad news at the nestle factory today. A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered!!!
-
Annoyed Grunt
- Legend
- Posts: 8046
- Joined: Mon May 23, 2011 9:25 am
- Location: Bolton
Re: Joke thread
The old 'uns are the best....clapton is god wrote:Sad news at the nestle factory today. A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered!!!
-
clapton is god
- Passionate
- Posts: 2376
- Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:55 pm
- Location: Worryingly close to Old Tr*fford.
- Contact:
Re: Joke thread
Which reminds me... Does anyone know what age the penis stops growing? Because this is getting rediculous!
-
clapton is god
- Passionate
- Posts: 2376
- Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:55 pm
- Location: Worryingly close to Old Tr*fford.
- Contact:
-
bobo the clown
- Immortal
- Posts: 19597
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:49 am
- Location: N Wales, but close enough to Chester I can pretend I'm in England
- Contact:
Re: Joke thread
Funny, though 'We Buy Any Car' could have had a tad more humour about it all.
Not advocating mass-murder as an entirely positive experience, of course, but it had its moments.
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
Re: Joke thread
David Moyes has spent the last 11 years trying to get Everton above Man Utd in the Premier League.
He has now succeeded.
He has now succeeded.
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
Re: Joke thread
An old man enters a confessional and proudly exclaims, "Father, I have to tell you what happened to me last night. I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two 18-year-old women for eight hours!"
The stern priest replies, "That is a sin. I will have to give you a penance."
"Father, you can't give me a penance."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm Jewish."
The perplexed Father asks, "Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"
The stern priest replies, "That is a sin. I will have to give you a penance."
"Father, you can't give me a penance."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm Jewish."
The perplexed Father asks, "Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"
-
Worthy4England
- Immortal
- Posts: 34731
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 6:45 pm
Re: Joke thread
jaffka wrote:An old man enters a confessional and proudly exclaims, "Father, I have to tell you what happened to me last night. I'm 90 years old, and I made love to two 18-year-old women for eight hours!"
The stern priest replies, "That is a sin. I will have to give you a penance."
"Father, you can't give me a penance."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm Jewish."
The perplexed Father asks, "Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"
-
Raven
- Passionate
- Posts: 2004
- Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2005 10:04 pm
- Location: Near Coventry but originally from Kent
Re: Joke thread
Quality 
My dog (proper 57) had his anal glands emptied once and yes the smell is something to behold!!
Re: Joke thread
From next Saturday, The Scum will play under their new club name 'Port Talbot FC' seeing as they're situated between Cardif and Swansea
Uma mesa para um, faz favor. Obrigado.
Re: Joke thread
Wahay, love it.Bijou Bob wrote:From next Saturday, The Scum will play under their new club name 'Port Talbot FC' seeing as they're situated between Cardif and Swansea
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
Re: Joke thread
This made my day and I hate teachers.
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
-
TANGODANCER
- Immortal
- Posts: 44175
- Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:35 pm
- Location: Between the Bible, Regency and the Rubaiyat and forever trying to light penny candles from stars.
Re: Joke thread
Your best friends Dan. Wish I'd listened a bit more carefully to some of mine.bwfcdan94 wrote:This made my day and I hate teachers.
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
Re: Joke thread
Apologies.....
A mate of mine, Matthew, came into my shop today and said, "I'd like a jar of nectar, a blanket and a cuddly toy bear."
I bagged it all up and asked for the cash, but he said, "Ah, sorry pal, I've left my money at home."
I sighed and said, "Look, if you cut my lawn...we'll call it quits."
"That sounds like a raw deal", he grunted. "How much was everything?"
"In pounds...", I said, "...well, it's one for the honey, two for the throw, three to get teddy now mow, Matt, mow!"
A mate of mine, Matthew, came into my shop today and said, "I'd like a jar of nectar, a blanket and a cuddly toy bear."
I bagged it all up and asked for the cash, but he said, "Ah, sorry pal, I've left my money at home."
I sighed and said, "Look, if you cut my lawn...we'll call it quits."
"That sounds like a raw deal", he grunted. "How much was everything?"
"In pounds...", I said, "...well, it's one for the honey, two for the throw, three to get teddy now mow, Matt, mow!"
...
Re: Joke thread
GROOOOAN
This going around Facebook and the like made me laugh:
"America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)"
This going around Facebook and the like made me laugh:
"America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)"
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
Re: Joke thread
teachers are not your best friends... if one tells you that he is - you should be worried!TANGODANCER wrote:Your best friends Dan. Wish I'd listened a bit more carefully to some of mine.bwfcdan94 wrote:This made my day and I hate teachers.
Re: Joke thread
I'm thinking of Mr Kennedy from The Inbetweeners! 'Thumbs up friend.'thebish wrote:teachers are not your best friends... if one tells you that he is - you should be worried!TANGODANCER wrote:Your best friends Dan. Wish I'd listened a bit more carefully to some of mine.bwfcdan94 wrote:This made my day and I hate teachers.
...
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot] and 18 guests