Joke thread

[Bijou Bob]

It's taken three looooooong years but Clappers has just made me laugh out loud

[clapton is god]

Top Tip:

If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that

[thebish]

Top Tip:

If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that

ahh - Milton Jones returns!

[TANGODANCER]

Might be age, but I like Jethro jokes.

"I’d been out drinking till 4.15 in the morning and there’s the bastard wife waiting on the doorstep with a broom. She didn’t seem to like it when I asked her ‘Are you late finishing cleaning or are you going for a flight?"

"I’m not in very good mood. My wife, the cow, I lend her a thousand pounds to have plastic surgery, now I can’t get the money back and I don’t know who to look for."

[thebish]

^ yeah - I think it's the age!

[Prufrock]

After protracted negotiations the transfer of Ishmael Miller from Blackpool to Huddersfield finally went through on Transfer Deadline Day.

Initially Huddersfield had asked Blackpool to let him go, but Blackpool said no, they would not let him go.

Huddersfield again said "let him go" but Blackpool replied "Ishmael Miller? No, we will not him go".

[Burnden Paddock]

After protracted negotiations the transfer of Ishmael Miller from Blackpool to Huddersfield finally went through on Transfer Deadline Day.

Initially Huddersfield had asked Blackpool to let him go, but Blackpool said no, they would not let him go.

Huddersfield again said "let him go" but Blackpool replied "Ishmael Miller? No, we will not him go".

That probably sounded a lot funnier in your head!

[jaffka]

After protracted negotiations the transfer of Ishmael Miller from Blackpool to Huddersfield finally went through on Transfer Deadline Day.

Initially Huddersfield had asked Blackpool to let him go, but Blackpool said no, they would not let him go.

Huddersfield again said "let him go" but Blackpool replied "Ishmael Miller? No, we will not him go".

[Worthy4England]

After protracted negotiations the transfer of Ishmael Miller from Blackpool to Huddersfield finally went through on Transfer Deadline Day.

Initially Huddersfield had asked Blackpool to let him go, but Blackpool said no, they would not let him go.

Huddersfield again said "let him go" but Blackpool replied "Ishmael Miller? No, we will not him go".

That probably sounded a lot funnier in your head!

But really, you'd have to be smoking some very weird shit...

[Prufrock]

#shakeitoff

[Montreal Wanderer]

After protracted negotiations the transfer of Ishmael Miller from Blackpool to Huddersfield finally went through on Transfer Deadline Day.

Initially Huddersfield had asked Blackpool to let him go, but Blackpool said no, they would not let him go.

Huddersfield again said "let him go" but Blackpool replied "Ishmael Miller? No, we will not him go".

That probably sounded a lot funnier in your head!

But really, you'd have to be smoking some very weird shit...

I'm afraid it is right over my head. Presumably some pun or double entendre that I'm missing.

[Hoboh]

After protracted negotiations the transfer of Ishmael Miller from Blackpool to Huddersfield finally went through on Transfer Deadline Day.

Initially Huddersfield had asked Blackpool to let him go, but Blackpool said no, they would not let him go.

Huddersfield again said "let him go" but Blackpool replied "Ishmael Miller? No, we will not him go".

That probably sounded a lot funnier in your head!

But really, you'd have to be smoking some very weird shit...

I'm afraid it is right over my head. Presumably some pun or double entendre that I'm missing.

Bohemian Rhapsody ring a bell Monty?

[Montreal Wanderer]

After protracted negotiations the transfer of Ishmael Miller from Blackpool to Huddersfield finally went through on Transfer Deadline Day.

Initially Huddersfield had asked Blackpool to let him go, but Blackpool said no, they would not let him go.

Huddersfield again said "let him go" but Blackpool replied "Ishmael Miller? No, we will not him go".

That probably sounded a lot funnier in your head!

But really, you'd have to be smoking some very weird shit...

I'm afraid it is right over my head. Presumably some pun or double entendre that I'm missing.

Bohemian Rhapsody ring a bell Monty?

Not a loud enough one to wake me up! However, I checked the lyric. Thanks, Hoboh. Bismillah!

[General Mannerheim]

i didnt fart in front of my mrs till we were married!

i dont think the vicar was impressed.

[clapton is god]

I had a pint of real ale yesterday and to give it a better taste I dipped my pet frog in it 5 times.

You could really taste the hops.

[Prufrock]

For Bruce and Bobes, the Spice Invader:

[Gary the Enfield]

For Bruce and Bobes, the Spice Invader:

I got told off by our local department store manager when I arranged their limited edition Scrabble mugs into an obscenity.

[Bijou Bob]

Weather man Fred Talbot has been found guilty and remanded in custody. I forecast some unpleasant showers over the next few days.....

[LeverEnd]

For Bruce and Bobes, the Spice Invader:

I got told off by our local department store manager when I arranged their limited edition Scrabble mugs into an obscenity.

[Bruce Rioja]

Magnificent work.