Joke thread

[Annoyed Grunt]

Stick to transfer gossip, Jaffka

get away!! that was quite funny!!

[Dujon]

Young son to his father: "Daddy, what's a fire extinguisher?"

Father, without a second of hesitation: "Marriage, Billy."

[TANGODANCER]

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get itover with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss thevital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone,she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.



Later that night, Mildred was admitted into hospital with a gunshot would to the knee.

[Prufrock]

Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.

[CrazyHorse]

I tried using PENIS as my password.
But the computer said it was too short.

[Annoyed Grunt]

Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.

[Prufrock]

Dropped my copy of Which? magazine in the bath and it floated.

Does this mean I have to burn it?

[thebish]

[Prufrock]

Just bought the new FIFA 12 Spain edition PS3 controller.

Strange, it's missing the square, triangle and circle buttons...

[Fräulein]

I'd like to post an applauding smiley for that, but there is none. Please imagine.

[Verbal]

Not a joke, but this is making me smile a lot for some reason

http://nedroid.com/2009/05/party-cat-full-series/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Fräulein]

The fox is sitting in his living room when he hears a knock on the door. It appears to be the bear saying: "Hey, fox, I'm bored, let's go beat up the rabbit." - "Good idea, mate, but we're gonna need a reason." -"Alright, if he's wearing a cap, we spare him. If not, he gets bashed!" They make their way to the rabbit's house who comes out wearing nothing on his head, so they beat the sh?t out of him. Since the forest is not providing any other exciting events that time, they continue their rabbit habit for a few days. One day, the fox says: "That cap thing is worn out somehow, let's try something new." - "Yeaaah, right. We ask him for cigarettes, if he offers some, we spare him, if not..." - "Done!" A few minutes later, they knock on the door and a rather terrified rabbit comes out. "W ..w..what can I do for you?" - "Got some cigarettes?" The rabbit's face brightens as he pulls out a whole packet from behind his ears. The bear turns to the fox: "Did you see that?" - "Yeah, like magic!" - "No, he doesn't wear a cap!"

[truewhite15]

The fox is sitting in his living room when he hears a knock on the door. It appears to be the bear saying: "Hey, fox, I'm bored, let's go beat up the rabbit." - "Good idea, mate, but we're gonna need a reason." -"Alright, if he's wearing a cap, we spare him. If not, he gets bashed!" They make their way to the rabbit's house who comes out wearing nothing on his head, so they beat the sh?t out of him. Since the forest is not providing any other exciting events that time, they continue their rabbit habit for a few days. One day, the fox says: "That cap thing is worn out somehow, let's try something new." - "Yeaaah, right. We ask him for cigarettes, if he offers some, we spare him, if not..." - "Done!" A few minutes later, they knock on the door and a rather terrified rabbit comes out. "W ..w..what can I do for you?" - "Got some cigarettes?" The rabbit's face brightens as he pulls out a whole packet from behind his ears. The bear turns to the fox: "Did you see that?" - "Yeah, like magic!" - "No, he doesn't wear a cap!"

... ...

[Annoyed Grunt]

The fox is sitting in his living room when he hears a knock on the door. It appears to be the bear saying: "Hey, fox, I'm bored, let's go beat up the rabbit." - "Good idea, mate, but we're gonna need a reason." -"Alright, if he's wearing a cap, we spare him. If not, he gets bashed!" They make their way to the rabbit's house who comes out wearing nothing on his head, so they beat the sh?t out of him. Since the forest is not providing any other exciting events that time, they continue their rabbit habit for a few days. One day, the fox says: "That cap thing is worn out somehow, let's try something new." - "Yeaaah, right. We ask him for cigarettes, if he offers some, we spare him, if not..." - "Done!" A few minutes later, they knock on the door and a rather terrified rabbit comes out. "W ..w..what can I do for you?" - "Got some cigarettes?" The rabbit's face brightens as he pulls out a whole packet from behind his ears. The bear turns to the fox: "Did you see that?" - "Yeah, like magic!" - "No, he doesn't wear a cap!"

Ah, a German with no sense of humour.

[Fräulein]

Ah, a German with no sense of humour.

Glad to have this straight.

[davroduk]

The fox is sitting in his living room when he hears a knock on the door. It appears to be the bear saying: "Hey, fox, I'm bored, let's go beat up the rabbit." - "Good idea, mate, but we're gonna need a reason." -"Alright, if he's wearing a cap, we spare him. If not, he gets bashed!" They make their way to the rabbit's house who comes out wearing nothing on his head, so they beat the sh?t out of him. Since the forest is not providing any other exciting events that time, they continue their rabbit habit for a few days. One day, the fox says: "That cap thing is worn out somehow, let's try something new." - "Yeaaah, right. We ask him for cigarettes, if he offers some, we spare him, if not..." - "Done!" A few minutes later, they knock on the door and a rather terrified rabbit comes out. "W ..w..what can I do for you?" - "Got some cigarettes?" The rabbit's face brightens as he pulls out a whole packet from behind his ears. The bear turns to the fox: "Did you see that?" - "Yeah, like magic!" - "No, he doesn't wear a cap!"

Thats the most hangings I have ever given anything.
Wait a minute whats this ........................


















W.T.F.

[Prufrock]

My South African mate was telling me he uses a kindle to read at night.

I said "Really? I prefer real books".

He said "What the fick are you talking about? I didn't pay my bill and the elictric's been cut off".

[ohjimmyjimmy]

Just tried telling my mate that one, but my south african accent let me down big time.
So i ended having to explain the joke.
Explaining a joke = no longer funny by the time it's understood.

So i'm going to file that joke under 'funny yet impossible to tell'

[Verbal]

I found out that the Swedish for 'kitchen cabinet' is 'köksluckor' today.

Not a joke, it just made me giggle childishly.

[Montreal Wanderer]

I found out that the Swedish for 'kitchen cabinet' is 'köksluckor' today.

Not a joke, it just made me giggle childishly.

Worse - a company that makes them is called Byta Koksluckor.