Joke thread

If you have a life outside of BWFC, then this is the place to tell us all about your toilet habits, and those bizarre fetishes.......

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Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Wed Apr 01, 2015 12:01 pm

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That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Fri Apr 03, 2015 5:43 pm

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too soon perhaps? :D
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Re: Joke thread

Post by bobo the clown » Fri Apr 03, 2015 6:34 pm

^^ Now THAT is a zero-hours contract if ever I saw one.
Not advocating mass-murder as an entirely positive experience, of course, but it had its moments.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:02 pm

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"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:23 pm

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:34 am

Unfortunate architecture of the Christian Science Church in Dixon, Illinois, once google maps started.

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"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Sat Apr 25, 2015 7:04 pm

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"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon Apr 27, 2015 6:43 pm

What begins with a "C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet inside?

A coconut.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Sat May 02, 2015 10:44 am

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Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Tue May 12, 2015 9:59 pm

The Royal Mail worker with a fetish for having sex with mail bags has now been removed from his post.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon May 18, 2015 8:20 pm

Five points of advice to live a happy life:

You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores.

You should find a woman that is a good cook.

You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with.

You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you.

Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Prufrock » Fri May 22, 2015 10:37 am

3 logicians walk into a bar.
Barman: Would you all like a drink?
1st logician: I don't know.
2nd logician: I don't know.
3rd logician: YES!
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Harry Genshaw » Fri May 22, 2015 4:25 pm

Prufrock wrote:3 logicians walk into a bar.
Barman: Would you all like a drink?
1st logician: I don't know.
2nd logician: I don't know.
3rd logician: YES!
Aquaplane! ^^^^ :wink:
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Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon May 25, 2015 6:55 pm

My teenage daughter just came home in a rage. ‘I’ve just finished sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!’

I put down my paper, ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Jun 01, 2015 2:48 pm

From George Takei's site

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So is spelling...
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Thu Jun 04, 2015 10:49 am

A friend of mine arranged his colonoscopy to take place at Blackpool Hospital.

He was laid on his side and this gorgeous blonde nurse got to work. She said "Don't worry, its quite normal to get an erection at this stage.

"I haven't got an erection," he assured her.

"No, but I have," she said.

He's never going back to Blackpool hospital.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:21 pm

My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I "ruined" her birthday.

I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fu**ing birthday.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Tue Jun 16, 2015 6:25 pm

Why can't you be a Morris Dancer if you've been circumcised?
Because, you've got to be a complete cock to Morris dance...
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Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:04 pm

I never believed wearing orthopaedic shoes would help my posture.
But now I stand corrected...
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Bijou Bob » Sat Jun 20, 2015 7:01 pm

My wife left me after an expensive penile enhancement operation. She just couldn't stand it any longer.
Uma mesa para um, faz favor. Obrigado.
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