Joke thread

If you have a life outside of BWFC, then this is the place to tell us all about your toilet habits, and those bizarre fetishes.......

Moderator: Zulus Thousand of em

Post Reply
User avatar
Lost Leopard Spot
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 18436
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 11:14 am
Location: In the long grass, hunting for a watering hole.

Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Wed Apr 01, 2015 12:01 pm

Image
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
Top
thebish
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 37589
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2006 9:01 am
Location: In my armchair

Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Fri Apr 03, 2015 5:43 pm

Image


too soon perhaps? :D
Top
bobo the clown
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 19597
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:49 am
Location: N Wales, but close enough to Chester I can pretend I'm in England
Contact:
Contact bobo the clown

Re: Joke thread

Post by bobo the clown » Fri Apr 03, 2015 6:34 pm

^^ Now THAT is a zero-hours contract if ever I saw one.
Not advocating mass-murder as an entirely positive experience, of course, but it had its moments.
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
Top
User avatar
Montreal Wanderer
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 12948
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:02 pm

Image
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Top
User avatar
Montreal Wanderer
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 12948
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:23 pm

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Top
User avatar
Montreal Wanderer
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 12948
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:34 am

Unfortunate architecture of the Christian Science Church in Dixon, Illinois, once google maps started.

Image
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Top
User avatar
Montreal Wanderer
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 12948
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Sat Apr 25, 2015 7:04 pm

Image
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Top
jaffka
Legend
Legend
Posts: 8439
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:36 pm
Location: uk

Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon Apr 27, 2015 6:43 pm

What begins with a "C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet inside?

A coconut.
Top
clapton is god
Passionate
Passionate
Posts: 2376
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:55 pm
Location: Worryingly close to Old Tr*fford.
Contact:
Contact clapton is god

Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Sat May 02, 2015 10:44 am

Image
Top
clapton is god
Passionate
Passionate
Posts: 2376
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:55 pm
Location: Worryingly close to Old Tr*fford.
Contact:
Contact clapton is god

Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Tue May 12, 2015 9:59 pm

The Royal Mail worker with a fetish for having sex with mail bags has now been removed from his post.
Top
jaffka
Legend
Legend
Posts: 8439
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:36 pm
Location: uk

Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon May 18, 2015 8:20 pm

Five points of advice to live a happy life:

You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores.

You should find a woman that is a good cook.

You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with.

You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you.

Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
Top
User avatar
Prufrock
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 24832
Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2008 11:51 pm

Re: Joke thread

Post by Prufrock » Fri May 22, 2015 10:37 am

3 logicians walk into a bar.
Barman: Would you all like a drink?
1st logician: I don't know.
2nd logician: I don't know.
3rd logician: YES!
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
Top
User avatar
Harry Genshaw
Legend
Legend
Posts: 9404
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2005 10:47 pm
Location: Half dead in Panama

Re: Joke thread

Post by Harry Genshaw » Fri May 22, 2015 4:25 pm

Prufrock wrote:3 logicians walk into a bar.
Barman: Would you all like a drink?
1st logician: I don't know.
2nd logician: I don't know.
3rd logician: YES!
Aquaplane! ^^^^ :wink:
"Get your feet off the furniture you Oxbridge tw*t. You're not on a feckin punt now you know"
Top
jaffka
Legend
Legend
Posts: 8439
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:36 pm
Location: uk

Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon May 25, 2015 6:55 pm

My teenage daughter just came home in a rage. ‘I’ve just finished sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!’

I put down my paper, ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’
Top
User avatar
Montreal Wanderer
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 12948
Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Jun 01, 2015 2:48 pm

From George Takei's site

Image

So is spelling...
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Top
clapton is god
Passionate
Passionate
Posts: 2376
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:55 pm
Location: Worryingly close to Old Tr*fford.
Contact:
Contact clapton is god

Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Thu Jun 04, 2015 10:49 am

A friend of mine arranged his colonoscopy to take place at Blackpool Hospital.

He was laid on his side and this gorgeous blonde nurse got to work. She said "Don't worry, its quite normal to get an erection at this stage.

"I haven't got an erection," he assured her.

"No, but I have," she said.

He's never going back to Blackpool hospital.
Top
jaffka
Legend
Legend
Posts: 8439
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:36 pm
Location: uk

Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon Jun 15, 2015 7:21 pm

My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I "ruined" her birthday.

I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fu**ing birthday.
Top
User avatar
Lost Leopard Spot
Immortal
Immortal
Posts: 18436
Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 11:14 am
Location: In the long grass, hunting for a watering hole.

Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Tue Jun 16, 2015 6:25 pm

Why can't you be a Morris Dancer if you've been circumcised?
Because, you've got to be a complete cock to Morris dance...
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
Top
clapton is god
Passionate
Passionate
Posts: 2376
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:55 pm
Location: Worryingly close to Old Tr*fford.
Contact:
Contact clapton is god

Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:04 pm

I never believed wearing orthopaedic shoes would help my posture.
But now I stand corrected...
Top
Bijou Bob
Icon
Icon
Posts: 4051
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:35 pm
Location: Swashbucklin in Brooklyn

Re: Joke thread

Post by Bijou Bob » Sat Jun 20, 2015 7:01 pm

My wife left me after an expensive penile enhancement operation. She just couldn't stand it any longer.
Uma mesa para um, faz favor. Obrigado.
Top
Post Reply

Return to “General Banter”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests